Monday, August 27, 2007

Marriage

-emailed by a friend -

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah.. blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

"I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today. I know that the world is a looking glass and gives back to me the reflection of my own soul. Now I understand the secret of correcting the attitude of others and that is to correct my own."

A Love Story

- this is derived from my friend's email-

My husband was an engineer.

Since I met him, he was always an unflappable rock in my life.

I knew he always had his feet firmly planted on the ground, and it seemed that no matter what else went crazy, he would be the one constant.Three years of romance, and two years of marriage later, I got tired.

He was the most unromantic man I know. He never bought me flowers, he never surprised me, and nothing changed in our marriage.

After some time, I finally found the courage to tell him that I wanted to leave him.

He just sat there, speechless. My heart froze...

What kind of man was I married to that didn't even know what to say to make me stay? After a while, he spoke, "What can I do to change your mind?".

"I will stay if you can give me a good answer to this question," I replied coldly.

"If I asked for a flower that grew on a cliff, and you knew that getting it for me means certain death, would you get it for me?".

His face grew troubled.

"Can I give you an answer tomorrow morning?" he asked.

Hearing that kind of answer, my heart died.

I knew that I could never be happy with a man who couldn't even give me a answer straight away.

The next morning, when I woke up, he was missing.

In the living room, under a warm glass of milk, was a note.

My eyes grew misty as I read it...

"Dear, I have my answer.

I will never pick the flower for you if it meant certain death.

But before you leave, I hope you can give me a chance to give you my reasons....

You will always sit in front of the computer and type about for the whole day, but everytime you will end up in tears cause your formating will always go all over the place...

I need my fingers, to do the formating for you, so your tears will become smiles.

You like to travel, but would always get lost...
I need my eyes, so thatI can bring you to the nicest places on earth.

Everytime you leave the house, you would always forget your keys...
I need my legs, so that I can run home to open the door for you.

You never knew how to take care of yourself...
I need my hands to help you get rid of the pesky white hair you hate so much when you grow old, to trim your nails, to feed you. So you see, that's why I can't pick the flower for you. Until I find someone who loves you more than I do, I will need my body to take care of you.

If you accept my reasons, then open the door, where I will be waiting with your favourite muffin."

With tears streaming from my eyes, I opened the door, and there he stood, with a extremely worried look on his face. He still had nothing to say, but just stood there waving the packet he had in his hand infront of me.

And then I knew for a fact that I will never find another man who will ever love me as much as he does.

THOUGHTS:
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they don't love you with all their heart.......

Friday, July 27, 2007

The Need for Spirituality

Spirituality is all about finding your inner self and developing a deeper spirituality. The best way to attain deeper spirituality is, of course, through the Highest Spirit of all - God, Higher Being, the Force or whatever name applies.

In Spirituality, our greatest responsibility is not just to nurture relationships with other beings but to protect and nourish our relationship with God. From this relationship, stems all the goodness and love that flow towards others. To put it briefly, never harm your relationship with God and you will be assured that you will never harm your relationship with others.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

I WALK WITH TITANS

I WALK WITH TITANS
By: Gwendolyn A.Cuizon

I pursued Bachelor of Science Major in Accounting inthe University of San-Jose Recoletos. It never occurred to me that one day my job description would not be accountant but Published Book Author –International.

When I was in college, my family could barely make ends meet. I pursued accounting at USJ-R because it was the most practical choice. When I graduated, I worked for several accounting-related jobs. The desire to write never left me though. It was like an itch,the more I scratched, the more intense it became.

My accounting background did not prepare me for what laid ahead. When I first made the rough draft of my manuscript “Change of Plans, Change of Hearts”, I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. I wrote at home everyday after office hours. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months and months to years with no end in sight. I submitted the first three chapters of my manuscript to publishers worldwide but it got rejected 100% of the time. After a year of toiling and foregoing the night life in favor of writing, I began to entertain serious doubts on my calling. Where would this lead me? Would I ever getpublished?

In rare cases though, when your heart is in perfect accord with your mind - giving up is not an option. This was the case for me. So I wrote every night and submitted my manuscript to more than a hundred publishers worldwide for the next four years. It was rejected the entire time. After five years of ceaseless toils, I know it was time to give up. There was no point in continuing something I thought would never bear fruit.

Feeling dejected, disappointed, disillusioned, I decided to stop submitting my manuscript for a year. I exhausted every possible means to solve the problem -all to no avail. There was nothing left for me to do.

Nothing.

Then it occurred to me there was one option I had not fully explored. And that was - To pray. To lift things up to God. I realized that the solution I searched for could possibly be in the spiritual and not in the physical realm.

Human efforts alone obviously do not suffice to conquer the obstacles I faced. I need help beyond human strength. I NEED God.

Armed with an invigorated sense of hope, I stopped submitting my manuscript to publishers and started an entirely new approach - I prayed. I attended Virgen de Regla novena, completed the Misa de Gallo, followed the Sto. Nino procession, petitioned in Simala, I attended daily dawn masses at Mount Carmel Chapel, frequented Poor Claires, prayed the holy rosary every night, sponsored prayer gatherings or ‘barangayan’ in my house and attended Sunday masses for a year. The lists of my religious activities went on.

Few days after Sto. Nino fiesta and after I stopped submitting the manuscript for one year, I finally mustered enough courage to submit my manuscript again– for the last time. If my manuscript got rejected, it would be my cue that I was never meant to write in the first place.

I knew that everything I worked for, for the last six years of my life, was at stake here. I prepared for the worst. January 22, 2004, after praying, I randomly selected a publisher from the internet. The name TreeSide Press from British Columbia, Canada cropped up. I forwarded my manuscript that day.

That was it! My fate was sealed. The rest was up to God. I forced myself not to think about it.

A week passed,I received an email from TreeSide. With dread and trepidation, I opened the email from the publisher. Iwas almost sure that the manuscript was rejected again.

But …… NOT this time.

As I read the contents of the email, tears swelled in my eyes. The manuscript I submitted “Change of Plans,Change of Hearts” was FINALLY accepted! I got the answer I needed. I was meant to write after all.

After SIX long years of struggles, after more than a hundred rejection slips and all the disappointments and failures I went through, I made it! I clinched a publishing deal!

The trials did not end there though. After 2 months of signing the contract, TreeSide had to close because the publisher got ill. Somehow, the confidence I got from the publishing deal was enough to carry me throughout the ordeal. I submitted my manuscript next to an award-winning Canadian publishing firm from Ontario, Double Dragon Publishing Inc.

July 2004, I signed another publishing contract this time with Double Dragon. November 30, 2006, the book “Change of Plans, Change of Hearts” came to exist.

When I look at my book now, I just don’t see a book. To me, it serves as the physical embodiment of the triumph of the spirit over insurmountable odds. My journey for the last eight years is summed up in this one incredible paperback. All kinds of odds were against me - for every 10,000 writers submitting their manuscript only 1 gets published, I am not a native English speaker, my orientation was accounting not writing, and so many other impossiblities. Yet, with God's help, I managed to surmount them all.

It may appear that I have influenced all the details written in my book “Change of Plans, Change of Hearts” but in truth it is the book that inflicts so much influence on me, especially on the spiritual aspect. In hindsight, I realized that the book paved the way for my greatest achievement of all - a closer relationship with God.

I grew up reading classic authors such as Hans Christian Andersen, Mark Twain, Shakespeare, Emerson, Victor Hugo and contemporary authors - the likes of Sidney Sheldon, Daniel Steele, John Grisham, Stephen King and so many others. Undoubtedly, these are the titans in the literary world.

Despite the years that gulfed among us, I feel strangely connected to them in spirit. I could empathize with them perfectly, having gone through the same ordeals myself. I may not have achieved stellar success yet but to some extent I am one of them now.

I’m glad to say, I have earned my right to walk with the titans. I found my niche among them.

Addendum: "Change of Plans, Change of Hearts" is currently the No.1 Bestseller in
Paperback Edition in my publishing firm- Double Dragon Publishing.